Horrible Harry Says Goodbye Read online

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  Horrible Harry and the Green Slime

  Horrible Harry and the Ant Invasion

  Horrible Harry’s Secret

  Horrible Harry and the Christmas Surprise

  Horrible Harry and the Kickball Wedding

  Horrible Harry and the Dungeon

  Horrible Harry and the Purple People

  Horrible Harry and the Drop of Doom

  Horrible Harry Moves Up to Third Grade

  Horrible Harry Goes to the Moon

  Horrible Harry at Halloween

  Horrible Harry Goes to Sea

  Horrible Harry and the Dragon War

  Horrible Harry and the Mud Gremlins

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  Horrible Harry and the Locked Closet

  Horrible Harry and The Goog

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  Horrible Harry and the Triple Revenge

  Horrible Harry Cracks the Code

  Horrible Harry Bugs the Three Bears

  Horrible Harry and the Dead Letters

  Horrible Harry on the Ropes

  Horrible Harry Goes Cuckoo

  Horrible Harry and the Secret Treasure

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  Horrible Harry and the Scarlet Scissors

  Horrible Harry and the Stolen Cookie

  Horrible Harry and the Missing Diamond

  Horrible Harry and the Hallway Bully

  Horrible Harry and the Wedding Spies

  Horrible Harry and the Top-Secret Hideout

  Horrible Harry and the Birthday Girl

  Horrible Harry and the Battle of the Bugs

  Horrible Harry and the Field Day Revenge

  VIKING

  Penguin Young Readers

  An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC

  375 Hudson Street

  New York, New York 10014

  First published in the United States of America by Viking, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, 2018

  Text copyright © 2018 by Suzy Kline

  Illustrations copyright © 2018 by Penguin Random House LLC

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  LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA IS AVAILABLE.

  Ebook ISBN 9780451479655

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  DEDICATED WITH LOVE TO

  my Horrible Harry readers

  Contents

  Other Books by Suzy Kline

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Snakes and Hairy Pennies

  The Early Phone Call

  The Mystery House

  Harry’s Room

  Socked in the Stomach

  Harry’s Horrible News!

  The Last Day of Third Grade

  Harry Says Goodbye

  Acknowledgments

  About the Authors

  Snakes and Hairy Pennies

  I remember when I first met Harry.

  It was back in second grade.

  He showed up with a snake in a box and made a girl scream.

  I never liked those creepy crawly things he brought to school, but the earwig and spider weren’t too bad. Harry always took good care of them.

  For two years now, Harry’s been my best friend.

  We were supposed to be friends forever!

  I knew we would be saying goodbye to third grade in a few days, and even to our favorite teacher. But I did not know about the horrible goodbye. That one is really too hard to write about, but I’ll try.

  It all started on a Friday in June, just when the South School dismissal bell rang.

  “See you on Monday, kids!” Mrs. Flaubert said. “Our last day together in third grade!”

  “Party!” Sidney blurted out. “Bring your Elvis music, Dexter!”

  Dexter pretended to strum on a guitar while ZuZu pumped his arms in the air.

  Song Lee and Ida started dancing. “Let’s dress up like we’re in the fifties!” Ida said. “We can wear skirts that twirl!”

  “Yes!” Song Lee replied. “And I’m going to wear my party necklace.”

  When Dexter began singing “All Shook Up,” one of his favorite Elvis songs, the girls started to rock and roll.

  But not Mary. She was business as usual. It looked like she was making a beeline to our side of the room.

  Harry and I were cleaning out our desks. When he pulled out a shrunken, burnt wiener, I cracked up. “Remember this, Dougo?” Harry asked.

  I was laughing too much to answer.

  Harry continued, “This baby was the one that gave Sid the heebie-jeebies on our field trip at the copper mine!”

  I nodded. “When we were way down in the dark cave . . . you tapped him on the shoulder with that wiener and freaked him out!”

  “This thing is a fossil now!” Harry added with a toothy smile.

  “It sure is,” I replied, “but you know what, Harry? I wouldn’t have been able to go down in that mine if it weren’t for you.”

  “Really, Doug?”

  “Yeah! Remember? You said to pretend I was a spider. They love dark cool places.”

  “And you went down in the dark!”

  “I did!”

  Harry and I tapped knuckles.

  “Together!” I said. “And next year . . . in fourth grade, we’re both going to be Safety Patrol Cadets!”

  Suddenly, Mary appeared at our desks.

  “Guys,” she interrupted. “I have an important message. Mom and I are getting Mrs. Flaubert a gift certificate at Beyond Bath tomorrow for an end-of-the-year present. You two are the only people who have not made a contribution.”

  Harry and I looked at each other.

  Oops! I thought.

  I reached down in my right pocket and pulled out a five-dollar bill. “Sorry,” I said. “I meant to give this to you yesterday.”

  “Thanks, Doug! You can sign the class card now.” And she handed me a pen shaped like a flower. Song Lee had made the card. It said “World’s Best Teacher” on the front and had a blue-and-gold felt ribbon—just like the kind you won at the state fair.

  I printed my name and added a happy face with a Mohawk hairdo. I was planning to get that haircut during the summer.

  “And your contribution?” Mary asked Harry.

  Harry put both hands deep into his pockets and pulled out some pennies with hair and gum stuck to them, and one thin, green rubber snake.

  Harry never had extra money. His parents were saving every dime for a new house. That’s why they lived with his grandma. And why Harry never asked them for a penny or took home notices about things that cost money.

  Mary rolled her eyes.

  “Ewyee, gross!”

  Harry shrugged. “So I’ll bring my own bathroom gift on Monday for Miss Mack— Mrs. Flaubert!”

  We could never get used to Miss Mackle’s new married name!

  Mary sighed. “I thought you’d probably say that. I bet you’ve got another crazy idea. Just don’t bring toil
et paper!” Then she took off.

  Harry laughed as he pulled out what looked like a green saucer from his desk.

  “This was green slime a month ago! It’s all hard now. I guess it’s coming with me—I can’t leave anything behind!”

  Then he popped that gross wiener fossil in his backpack, too.

  Harry! I thought.

  He could always make me smile.

  We had only one day of school left—a party day—so what could possibly mess up the rest of my life?

  The very next morning, I found out!

  The Early Phone Call

  Brrrring! Brrrring!

  I opened one eyeball.

  Who would be calling at this horrible hour?

  Brrrring! Brrrring!

  I looked at the Woody cowboy clock next to my bed. It said 6:30 a.m. On the fifth brrrring, I got out of bed and dragged myself into the kitchen.

  “Hellooooo?” I said, picking up the phone.

  “Dougo!”

  It was Harry.

  “How come you’re calling so early?” I groaned. “It’s Saturday! We can sleep in!”

  “You have to see what I see outside my window. It’s the biggest mystery ever!”

  “Huh?” I said. “What big mystery?”

  “Something is going on, Dougo, in that big old house next door to me. It’s been vacant for months, but now . . . well, you have to come over and see for yourself!”

  “Now?” I moaned.

  “Now!” Harry repeated. “Or you’ll miss it!”

  “Is your grandma even up?” I asked.

  “Are you kidding? She’s been up since four baking pies for people. Come on over!”

  “I’ll have to ask Mom.”

  When Harry gets an idea, there’s no stopping him. I was a bit curious about that empty house, though.

  I went into my parents’ bedroom. They were still sleeping, so I tapped Mom on the shoulder. When she turned her head toward me, her eyes were barely open. “Who was that on the phone?”

  “Harry. He wants me to come over. Can I?”

  “Grab a banana before you go,” she replied. Then her head plopped back down on the pillow.

  “Thanks, Mom,” I said.

  The Mystery House

  As I hopped onto my bike and rode down my driveway, something caught my eye from across the street.

  I dropped both feet to the pavement and forced myself to stop.

  There it was sparkling in the morning sunlight. . . .

  A brand-new “House for Sale” sign.

  Whoa . . . I thought!

  How cool would it be if Harry could move into that house! We would be best friends and neighbors!

  I jumped onto my bike pedals and sped off just thinking about it! I went racing down the street, past South School and around the corner to Harry’s house.

  When I got closer, I could see him sitting on his grandma’s front steps waiting for me. There were a bunch of cars parked at the empty house next door.

  The Goog, Harry’s cat, was sitting proudly on Harry’s lap. He only had one eye, but he didn’t seem to mind. The other one was sewed up after an accident. I parked my bike on the lawn and joined them on the stoop.

  “What’s going on?” I asked, petting his cat’s gray-and-black-striped fur. The Goog started purring. There were two station wagons on the front lawn and three SUVs in his neighbor’s driveway.

  “An army of people just came about an hour ago, carrying all kinds of boxes and stuff like mops and brooms into that old house,” Harry explained. “Hear anything?”

  I listened for a moment. The Goog seemed to have his own motor going.

  “I just heard a vroom vroom!” Harry exclaimed. When he jumped up, the Goog made a flying leap into the air, landing on the lawn on all four paws. He arched his back, then scampered through the cat door into the house.

  “I’m checking it out,” Harry said, heading over to the mystery house.

  I followed him. When he got there, he stood on his tiptoes and peeked in the side window. “Take a look, Dougo!” he ordered. “You can see much better over here.”

  “Harry!” I replied. “We can’t spy on these people! They may be your new neighbors!”

  “These people aren’t the new neighbors,” Harry said. “There’s too many of them. Last count was thirteen!”

  “They’re probably cleaning up the place for the people who are coming,” I explained. “That’s not rocket science!”

  “They’re not professional movers,” Harry answered. “Most of them look like my grandma. They all have white or silver hair! Except for the woman who just turned on the vacuum cleaner. She’s six feet tall with black hair piled on her head.”

  I joined Harry at the window to get a better look. I stared in at the tall lady doing a jig as she sashayed across the living room floor with a vacuum cleaner. She looked familiar!

  “Harry Spooger!” his grandma called. She was standing in her front doorway with something on a big plate. “You get back here right away!”

  Harry and I quickly turned around and ran for his house.

  “You know you don’t go snooping on people!” she scolded.

  After we nodded, she added, “So what did you see in that old house?”

  Harry chuckled. His grandma was as curious as we were! “People cleaning up. Someone very special must be moving in soon. Do you have any idea who it is?”

  “I’m hoping it won’t be a rascal like you!” she joked, handing us her plate and two glasses of milk. “Eat these elephant ears while they’re still warm.” Then she went back into the house.

  “Elephant ears?” I said. “They sure smell good!” I started to drool over the melted butter and sugary glaze on top of a big slab of golden brown crust.

  “I love ’em,” Harry said as he took a big bite into one. “Grandma always makes them with her leftover pie dough. That’s the best part of having a bakery in our kitchen—the leftovers! Got to be here early though. They go fast!”

  My crispy piece melted in my mouth. I was glad Harry’s grandma provided seconds and a tall glass of milk.

  As Harry and I sat on that stoop enjoying our snack, a jeep drove up. A woman got out and walked over to the mystery house. She yanked the “House for Sale” sign out of the lawn and tossed it into the back of her car.

  “Who’s moving in?” Harry shouted.

  The lady looked over and waved. “A big, wonderful family!”

  “Any kids?” Harry called back.

  “Seven!”

  “Seven? Well, hot dog!” Harry exclaimed. “That’s enough to make a baseball team!”

  The lady smiled as she slammed the trunk. “You may have to teach them how to play the game though,” she said.

  Harry grabbed his second elephant ear. “Who doesn’t know how to play baseball in America?” he asked me.

  “I guess this is your biggest mystery!” I replied.

  Harry’s Room

  “It is my biggest mystery!” Harry agreed. Then he lowered his voice. “Let’s go inside, Dougo! We can spy out of my bedroom window and see what’s happening in the backyard.”

  “Yes!” I replied, doing a trucker’s beep with my right arm. I loved going to Harry’s room. It was like the coolest museum! He was always adding something new.

  As we hurried through the living room, I noticed the Goog. He was all curled up in a ball on their couch next to a pillow that said “Laugh and Love.” He probably knew he wouldn’t be interrupted there.

  Harry’s grandma was taking a pie out of the oven. It smelled like apples and brown sugar.

  Harry had a hard time opening the door to his room. There were piles of clothes and stuffed animals on the other side. We had to squeeze our bodies around the door to get in.

  An ant farm was sitting
on the floor, but it just had sand. “I ordered ants from California,” Harry said when he saw me looking at it. “They should come any day now, hopefully with the queen!”

  Harry’s small fish tank was on top of his dresser. It had two gross snails, but I liked the bubble head goldfish. Slink, his garter snake, was in his “hide box,” which was actually a flowerpot lying on its side in his plastic cage. Harry said it kept him calm and that snakes need to hide. I was glad Slink was asleep. I saw just his greenish-yellow-striped tail sticking out. Snakes give me the creeps!

  I walked over to Harry’s bookcase where there were three old Tootsie Rolls. The wrappers were off. We had used them in our “Deadly Skit” for cigars when the three kings smoked.

  “Come over here by the window,” Harry said.

  “On my way!” I replied, but I walked slowly. I was still looking at Harry’s stuff. Quickly I bypassed the wiener fossil and green slime saucer. “That skit we did about not smoking was so cool.”

  “It was!” Harry agreed. “Especially the part where we keeled over and pretended to be dead!”

  “You and Song Lee were dead fish in our Thanksgiving play, too. I remember, I got to be Squanto and save the Pilgrims from starvation.”

  Harry put two thumbs up.

  “Hey, what’s this?” I asked, holding up a black spider ring with a big blotch of red.

  “Oh, that was a goof. I put too much fingernail polish on it. It was supposed to be a wedding ring for Song Lee. I made her another one.”

  The thought of a black widow made me cringe, so I stepped away. There was a peanut can I loved to open. As soon as I took off the lid, a green python snake went flying into the air! Harry immediately caught it with one hand.

  “Get over here, Dougo!” Harry said. “There’s crazy stuff going on in the backyard!”

  “Coming! Coming!” But I still dragged my feet because there was so much more to check out in Harry’s room.